“…and shall not be subject to any king or potentate.”

Oh sure, we can say it like we mean it, but the truth is, we love royalty. Especially we Americans, who – since the Kennedys started collecting bullets – have really wanted our own royalty, no matter what all those dusty old parchments in the Smithsonian say.

Maybe it’s all those damn Disney films; no little girl ever grew up singing “Someday My Vice President of Sales Will Come.” Only a prince will do.

The British royalty, while popular in U.S. tabloids, hasn’t sated our need to deliver up authoritative titles of our own. But this is clear, we believe no one figures more kingly than entertainment and sports figures. Some titles are in dispute (e.g., “King of Pop” – a sticky, self-manufactured title by the King of popping little boys) and some are merely indefensible by obscurity (e.g., “King of Klezmer Clarinet” – who the hell is going to argue with that?). But the title’s the thing.

We have undertaken to collecting an ever-growing list of “royalty” for our own amusement. We present it here. And when I saw “we” – I mean the Royal We.