Who is St. Georgio?

St. Georgio lived in the Basque region of Europe in the 1300s. It is told, but unproven, that he is the only priest of his diocese who broke his vow of celibacy with women.

Georgio was originally the Patron Saint of Milliners, but repeated cotton crop failures caused him to fall into disfavor in the late 1400s, when he became the Patron Saint of Actors.

Needing a patron saint, we dusted him off, polished him a bit, and find him perfectly serviceable for our needs. Fortunately, little cotton is used in the construction of this website.

Why Lowlights?

My high school newspaper was “Highlights.” I had a high school “underground” newspaper called “Lowlights” – get it? At the time, this parody name seemed the zenith of humor. Right up until I was expelled.

Of course, that was 1977 – when we had to publish humor on “paper” and deliver it “by hand” – a method so touchingly analogue as to be unthinkable today.

What’s with you?

The easy answer is my childhood. Followed by my unceasing marriages.

The long answer would take several dinners at your expense.

But I love cuddling.

You make a number of religious jokes. Are you religious?

Bwaaaaahahahahahaha. Good one. [Wiping away a tear.]

Well, I was Mormon for about 8 years – but the fever finally passed.

Who created your ace logo?

While many of the pictures on the site are ripped “literally” from the headlines, the LL-N logo and many of the “made to order” graphics and banners are the spiffy work of S. Casey Faulkner.

Casey “Captain Morgan” Faulkner is, not surprisingly, a handful to supervise. But he has earned all $75 of his aggregate salary.

Have you ever been a character in a book?

How damn wise and thoughtful of you to ask.

I am in a book by Bill McCants, brother to celebrity numerologist Glynis McCants. Bill’s first published teen fiction book was titled “Anything Can Happen in High School (And It Usually Does).” I am the Pop-Tart munching, trailer park-dwelling comic sidekick named “Alex.”

But at least he gave me a cute, smart girlfriend. And that book is available by clicking here at Amazon.

By the way, Bill went to Harvard and is a lawyer now for the U.S. Dept. of Education in Massachusetts. Where he makes about 15% of what his sister does.

Her book is also available at Amazon.

I do not appear to be a character in this book.

What is truth?

This is really not that hard. Truth is when you are not lying. Let me say that again – when you are not lying.

What is beauty?

Scarlett Johansson. Mmmmm.

There are a lot of satire sites – why should I read yours?

What is unique about LL-N is my zealous use of the “hspace” HTML value in all image positioning. All the rest, what some might laughingly call “content,” is pretty much typical satirical, NatLamp, The Onion-esque sophomoric crap. But then – zoom, “hspace” takes me above. I use a value of “10″ around my images – because it looks clean. Which throws everyone off guard – because I write a little dirty. Clean format, dirty content. Lowlights-Now is like that – a whitewashed sepulchre, pleasing to the eye, but filled with disease and decay.

But, you know, funny decay.

Do you think your humor cloaks a hurt inner child?

I wouldn’t know, because my inner child is not speaking with me. Years ago, I buggered my inner child something fierce, with my hand over his tiny, uncomprehending mouth. I told him to keep the hell silent forever or I would kill his inner parents.

Now my inner child just whimpers in the corner, drawing angry pictures of self-loathing with its feces on the inside of my skull.

What do you feel is the greatest benefit of the Internet?

The true benefit of this glorious Internet currently is the ease with which I can search and download all the cute and poorly photographed poses of anonymous cats. I just love knowing that terabytes of serve space worldwide are filled up with feline antics. That I have to winnow through so much opinion disguised as news, hate rhetoric and images of surgically-fortified boobies to get to those sweet, lovely kitties is just a shame.

Have you ever killed anybody?

I have never killed anybody. Or I like to think I haven’t. I like to think nature did it. But, yeah, when you get right down into the truth of it – I did the pushing.

You’re kidding, right?

Probably.

So why a satire website?

Because I have to, I have no choice. No choice but to write, to keep writing. [Sob] Oh god, please help me stop, please help me, please help, please take off these demonic red gloves.