NEW YORK, NY – Looking down from their cherrywood-paneled offices on the 75th floor, many attorneys – when disturbed by news of it at all – ask themselves “how can I pitch in?” as Earth Day rolls around.

Being too affluent to remain aware of the mundane infrastructure of their homes and families, we provide these helpful Earth Day conservation tips, scaled to the attorney’s lifestyle.

1.   Recycle boilerplate text into new documents; charge extra for recycled content.

2.   Put compact fluorescent bulb in live-in housekeeper’s room.

3.   Consider switching to free-range mistress.

4.   Save water by taking Scotch “neat.”

5.   Suggest au pair not idle the Lexus when picking up children from their private school.

6.   Require that spa employees use only organic collagen in spouse.

7.   Collect gray water for swabbing Erte sculptures.

8.   Ask European artisan to employ low-VOC paint for museum portrait.

9.   Walk or bike to car.

10.   Purchase locally-grown produce for composting by gardener.

11.   Shred and pulp, rather than incinerate, subpoenaed securities documents.

12.   Attach solar panel to power champagne fountain.

13.   Install low-flow shower heads in inner-city rental properties.

14.   Have favorite lobbyist pose legislation re-defining green fees as form of carbon credit.

15.   Draft company policy requiring underlings to take recycling seriously.