PEARLY GATES – After being accidentally killed by a stringray’s barb while taping a nature show, popular environmentalist and celebrity Steve Irwin suffered additional humiliation upon arrival in Heaven, where he was greeted at the Gates by ruffled naturalist Timothy Treadwell with a campaign of verbal one-upmanship aimed at the recently deceased celebrity. A crowd of angelic host quickly gathered.

Treadwell, known to many as the “Grizzly Man,” was featured in a documentary patched together from his own arrogant home footage, which included an audio tape recording of his mauling and consumption by the bears he had bonded with.

The Grizzly Man lambasted Irwin, known from television as the “Croc Hunter.”

“Dude, just because you are dead, do not think you are even in my league. You think being stung by a ray is humiliating? A venomous barb to the heart? Where death came on all quick and and you got a cushy ride to the hospital?

“Try being eaten alive and then shat out a bear’s ass, tough guy. Oh yeah, that’s dying, my short-panted friend; I was hot shit in the death by carnivore category.

“You may be worm food now, but I was fecal matter, you total pussy. Christ, you were just poking a fish. I was a dingleberry on a grizzly’s hairy backside, you croc-taunting pansy. While you were aiming that dopey grin at reptiles, I was a steaming rope of fertilizer.

Treadwell, finishing a bit winded, added, “If you haven’t travelled a GI tract, buddy, you had it easy.”

Seeming dumbfounded by the initial tirade, Irwin turned to the reverent crowd and flashed his famous grin, concluding, “Crikey, so that explains the smell!”

All laughed at the Aussie’s retort, except Treadwell, who stormed off to Doggie Heaven, where it is said he resides and feels fairly safe.