SANTA MONICA, CA – Setting a record even for the exceptionally fertile and irresponsible Spears family, Maddie Briann Spears, week-old daughter of Jamie Lynn Spears, is already pregnant. The identity of the father of the child’s child is being sought.

“We’re looking at all of Maddie’s male caregivers, obviously, including some very hot interns at the hospital where she was born. We’re not pointing fingers, as we can understand the appeal of a celebrity hookup, and being a Spears, there was little chance this wouldn’t happen soon,” said Spears’ publicist, who was immediately dispatched to the child from the family’s pool of publicists.

“But four days – whoo, girl, that Maddie can work the nasty.”

Mother Jamie Lynn said she would support Maddie in her decision to become pregnant at such an early age. “My own mother was so much support to me in my underage fucking, so how could I not admire my own daughter’s decision to ‘ride it and not hide it’?”

Maddie, who weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. at birth, now weighs 9 lbs., the additional weight being attributed to her swelling uterus. It is reported that a personal trainer will be dispatched to Maddie from the cadre of personal trainers retained by the Spears family.

Maddie herself remained silent on many questions swirling around her infantile pregnancy, including the blastula’s father and whether she would keep the infant – staying cloistered within a tight group of family and close friends.

One ob-gyn nurse, who asked to remain anonymous, clucked at the news. “Oh, you knew this girl would be trouble from Day One, literally — Day One; they were passin’ her around with her adorable bottom just hanging out for the world to see. And you knew she was gonna wave it and not save it; she’s a Spears and you would need a stopwatch to clock the time before someone was gonna be all up in that little tease.”

Some in the media have suggested Maddie is too young to parent effectively, as she cannot speak, walk and her eyes do not yet focus well. However, mother Jamie disagrees.

“I think Maddie will be a great mom; by the time she has this kid – she’ll be nearly a year old, and a lot of development can occur in that time. For example; she’ll develop object constancy and begin pre-vocalizing. Of course, I know it’ll be tough – and I’m encouraging her to stop drinking Red Bull, for example.”

Negotiations have already been initiated by Vanity Fair to have the 8-month pregnant, 8-month-old pose nude for their cover.