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	<title>Lowlights-Now</title>
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	<description>Truth is the Last Refuge of a Weak Mind</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:06:29 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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		<title>Maddie Briann Spears Already Pregnant</title>
		<description><![CDATA[SANTA MONICA, CA &#8211; Setting a record even for the exceptionally fertile and irresponsible Spears family, Maddie Briann Spears, week-old daughter of Jamie Lynn Spears, is already pregnant.  The identity of the father of the child&#8217;s child is being sought.

&#8220;We&#8217;re looking at all of Maddie&#8217;s male caregivers, obviously, including some very hot interns at [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=107</link>
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		<title>Campus Stabber Still Pissed at Campus Shooter&#8217;s Timing</title>
		<description><![CDATA[GUNNISON, CO &#8211; Wearing black and looking more sullen than usual, Anthony Delamore says recent campus shootings which grabbed news headlines really piss him off.  
&#8220;I was planning a school stabbing spree on every day some hoodie-wearing prick took the easy way and shoots himself a bunch of sheeple.  Seriously &#8211; you can [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=93</link>
			</item>
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		<title>15 Earth Day Tips for Attorneys</title>
		<description><![CDATA[NEW YORK, NY &#8211; Looking down from their cherrywood-paneled offices on the 75th floor, many attorneys &#8211; when disturbed by news of it at all &#8211; ask themselves &#8220;how can I pitch in?&#8221; as Earth Day rolls around.  
Being too affluent to remain aware of the mundane infrastructure of their homes and families, we [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=91</link>
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		<title>LL-N Ponders: The Crazed Gunman</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Once again, we are shaken and shocked to learn some amped punk has gone on a murderous rampage.  This time it was in my hometown of Salt Lake City, Utah (where the crazies are more likely to carry concealed spouses than concealed weapons) &#8211; but we know it can and does happen anywhere.
And once [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=90</link>
			</item>
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		<title>Anna Nicole Smith Mourned Into Clean Athletic Sock</title>
		<description><![CDATA[LAPEER, MI &#8211; As the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith spread through the media as if it were real news, 15-year-old Timothy Darby, like many men young and old alike, took his sudden despair to the one place he could find the privacy he needed &#8212; the bathroom at the end of the upstairs [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=89</link>
			</item>
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		<title>Aging Pedophiles Declare 25 The New 10</title>
		<description><![CDATA[AUSTIN, TX &#8211; With a nod to its aging members, the American Pedophile Association announced today in a press conference across the street from Bennion Elementary that more is now less; for the Boomer generation, 25 years old is the New 10.

Dixon Smalls, secretary for the APA, explained how the shift is anticipated.  
&#8220;If [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=80</link>
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		<title>Report from Heaven: &#8220;Grizzly Man&#8221; Taunts &#8220;Croc Hunter&#8221;</title>
		<description><![CDATA[PEARLY GATES &#8211; After being accidentally killed by a stringray&#8217;s barb while taping a nature show, popular environmentalist and celebrity Steve Irwin suffered additional humiliation upon arrival in Heaven, where he was greeted at the Gates by ruffled naturalist Timothy Treadwell with a campaign of verbal one-upmanship aimed at the recently deceased celebrity.  A [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://lowlights-now.com/content/?p=79</link>
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