SANTA MONICA, CA – Setting a record even for the exceptionally fertile and irresponsible Spears family, Maddie Briann Spears, week-old daughter of Jamie Lynn Spears, is already pregnant. The identity of the father of the child’s child is being sought.

LAPEER, MI – As the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith spread through the media as if it were real news, 15-year-old Timothy Darby, like many men young and old alike, took his sudden despair to the one place he could find the privacy he needed — the bathroom at the end of the upstairs [...]

PEARLY GATES – After being accidentally killed by a stringray’s barb while taping a nature show, popular environmentalist and celebrity Steve Irwin suffered additional humiliation upon arrival in Heaven, where he was greeted at the Gates by ruffled naturalist Timothy Treadwell with a campaign of verbal one-upmanship aimed at the recently deceased celebrity. A crowd [...]

When I saw this super-dooper support-the-troop-ish commercial during the Super Bowl, I thought, “Budweiser – you came so close.” Being a giver, I tightened the content focus by tagging on a new ending, all to help spread that “Good News” message we just don’t hear enough in today’s biased media. Enjoy.

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA – In a gushing outpour of compassion for the beleaguered citizens of New Orleans, the California porn industry offered all it’s current A- and B-list video stars to drain the city of the unwanted salty fluids left behind by 2005′s Hurricane Katrina.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – While Martin Scorcese is still smarting from the one-two combination delivered by “Million Dollar Baby,” LL-N notes the big story nobody is talking about. Neither Jimmy Smits nor Shelley Long received an Academy Award. Again.

PEARLY GATES – Allowed into Heaven under a little-known but well-argued “heart in the right place” provision in the Book of Life, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was quickly reported to be acting “less than celestial.”