PEARLY GATES – After being accidentally killed by a stringray’s barb while taping a nature show, popular environmentalist and celebrity Steve Irwin suffered additional humiliation upon arrival in Heaven, where he was greeted at the Gates by ruffled naturalist Timothy Treadwell with a campaign of verbal one-upmanship aimed at the recently deceased celebrity. A [...]

OTTAWA, CANADA – In a 14-hour operation requiring two teams of cardiac surgeons, the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was successfully removed from a Christian man’s heart.

PEARLY GATES – Allowed into Heaven under a little-known but well-argued “heart in the right place” provision in the Book of Life, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was quickly reported to be acting “less than celestial.”

SEVENTH LEVEL, HELL – Those doomed souls who haven’t had their tongues ripped out or been stood upside down, neck deep in flaming excrement, can’t stop talking about the “hot” gossip from down under.

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA – C.K. Dexter-Haven, divorced municipal bond attorney, admits he should have known something was “up” when God started sending him text messages through his wireless Blackberry.

TARGHEE, WY – It began like any other non-judgmental day at “Blowin’ in the Wind,” the popular 3-day Alternative Energy and Folk Festival. Halter tops bounced by craft and clothing tents and organic falafel lunches were heaped on 100% post-consumer recycled paper plates. Then tragedy struck; someone stole from Gabriel Garko’s complimentary chair [...]

ATLANTA, GA – In a statewide referendum that passed with overwhelmingly numbers, Georgians have decided they will operate the state on prayer and faith in God rather than on the mysterious, invisible vagaries of electricity.