SANTA MONICA, CA – Setting a record even for the exceptionally fertile and irresponsible Spears family, Maddie Briann Spears, week-old daughter of Jamie Lynn Spears, is already pregnant. The identity of the father of the child’s child is being sought.

LAPEER, MI – As the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith spread through the media as if it were real news, 15-year-old Timothy Darby, like many men young and old alike, took his sudden despair to the one place he could find the privacy he needed — the bathroom at the end of the upstairs [...]

AUSTIN, TX – With a nod to its aging members, the American Pedophile Association announced today in a press conference across the street from Bennion Elementary that more is now less; for the Boomer generation, 25 years old is the New 10.

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CA – In a gushing outpour of compassion for the beleaguered citizens of New Orleans, the California porn industry offered all it’s current A- and B-list video stars to drain the city of the unwanted salty fluids left behind by 2005′s Hurricane Katrina.

KANSAS CITY, KS – In a moment many agree has long been coming, Rachel Wullstein delivered the final “bitch slap” ever, giving it good to her promptly ex-boyfriend Tommy Warner.

OAKLAND, CA – Kay Foster, a top new media marketing executive for Pfizer, admits she did spend a night with the major league baseball player, Jose Canseco, in the late 1980s; the tryst is described in Mr. Canseco’s recent biography, “Juiced.” However, Ms. Foster says she slept with the athlete not for the gratuitous sex, [...]

Michael Kierney had an uncommon developmental problem so fundamental, friends had to look sharp to point it out to him.